Affection

The feeling of being trapped and suffocated, is a fear I've always had! In the physical sense as well as emotionally. I guess that's why I'm not big on the whole hug thing. Or affection for that matter. It takes a lot for me to think about hugging someone. I guess that makes me selfish in that sense,but why do I feel like this?

do hugs make us vulnerable? 

Growing up, I was pretty independent, and confident and didn't feel the need for constant reassurance, but recently I fear that is all I'm seeking. The approval that I've done good in something. That I've made them proud for just a second. I dread disappointing and put pressure on myself to achieve and do the best I know I can do! But what if I'm not meant to to do well?Why can't I deal with pressure. I find my mind shutting off and I can do nothing but think. And sometimes that's even too much...

How can I create something beautiful, if I can't think or feel beautifully? (Or does that matter? )
All I know is, I want what I  ever I produce, to be positive in some way -So  I've got the intention, but relying on others to help , is a pretty big ask, I just find myself unable to portray my message, without their assistance! Ah man, fingers crossed that this week some magic is made in some way or another! I have no idea what will happen, but maybe that is magic in itself...?!

                                                                                      Jade